Meaningless

For the past few months of staying at home, I felt as if my life was meaningless, as if I had no purpose in life. Back in school, I could at least study for something like an exam to keep me on track; focused. Now, life has been pretty miserable for me. Nothing much to do at home besides watching more tv, reading the same book for almost three weeks and going online playing Bejeweled 2.

What is life??? I seriously feel like studying or starting school right now. No doubt about that. You have no idea how it feels like to stay at home for all these wasted months doing...possibly nothing. I just want to get into my books, feel busy about something important, study for an exam and spend my time doing something worthwhile. Holidays are fun but too much of it makes me feel sick and lazy.

The first two months of my holidays were a blast. I did what I wanted to do. No studying, no pressure, nothing. Just free. Then, I started work in March when I felt a slight taste of boredom creeping into my soul. After working for 2 and half months, I got tired and stopped work. Welcomed back the holidays again till today. That was in mid-May.

Just as I've decided to enrol in HELP for the July intake, I still have at least 2 weeks to waste time doing nothing. On one hand, I feel that I'm going to miss my long break. Btw, this is by far my longest break ever in history. On the other hand, I can't wait to start school and meet new people.
On another hand, I feel scared to start a whole new beginning, with new environment, new syllabus, new lecturers, new people, new beginings ahead,etc. (Yes, I have three hands.)


Sigh...that is life.

MY life.