Hahaha!

These are from a book called Disorder
in the American Courts, and are things
people actually said in court, word
for word, taken down and now published
by court reporters that had the
torment of staying calm while these
exchanges were actually taking place.

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
_______________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment
of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
______________________________________
Q: This condition you have... does it
affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect
your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an
example of something that you've
forgotten?
_____________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living
with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I
can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
_____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your
husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has
ever been involved in voodoo or the
occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when
a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't
know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
___________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-
old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture
was taken?
______________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the
baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that
time?
______________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage
terminated?
A:! By death.
Q: And by whose death was it
terminated?
______________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had
a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this
morning pursuant to a deposition
notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go
to work.
______________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you
performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on
dead people.
______________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral,
OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you
examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the
time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table
wondering why I was doing an autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine
sample?
____ __________________________________
Q: Doctor, before you performed the
autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?!
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the
patient was alive when you began the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my
desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still
been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could
have been alive and practicing law
somewhere